The Month of the Heart of Winter

the new leaf of January is my Month!

age is just a number…my 40th

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As early as March of last year I had plans already for my forthcoming 40th birthday, I wanted to celebrate it with few close friends and family with plenty of cakes to blow. I was eyeing Tong Yang in Jupiter to be the venue because it’s perfect for the big-eaters, hahaha, seriously I think everyone would enjoy the grilling and cooking plus its limitless offering would be worth every penny. But some things are not meant to happen and everything I initially planned went to scratch, I was upset for a time 😦 but considering too many things in exchange of that little party I just brush it off to let go of the negative feeling.

Soon as January pulls in everyone I know was asking me of my plans on the 14th but I kept mum, I’d rather not say anything, I remained muted and actually planned nothing, I was thinking it would just pass by like any other ordinary day and people would forget it by then. I can take a day off from work as well so people at the workplace would not notice it at all. The thing is I don’t want to toss a single cent anymore after gauging I’m over, over my finances already after the posh Christmas month and yet I haven’t treated myself to a really, really nice gift. I thought it’s not bad to be self-seeking this time besides we’re talking of hard-earned money here. But the generous side of me still won and I splurge a little one last time. 😀

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A day before my birthday I emailed my group, including some really close friends at the office that I will be treating them for lunch, no surprises like last year. I don’t intend to impress anyone and all I wanted is to get over it, period. Maybe that happens when you’re 40, you feel strangely empty and lonely and at times I feel to hit the downhill slide to shabbiness and passing away. Too morbid, sigh!

I was least expectant this year, I don’t really care if my group will give me a surprise something or not, it won’t matter anyway because I feel near the ground, I had issues at work, I had issues at home, what else is to expect. I arrived at my office passed 9am, trying to act as if turning 40 is a good milestone, “coming of age”, etc. Brouhaha. I was welcomed with this,

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…my doting team put forth some effort this time, even if it was the simplest I can still account that they give it a shot.  And I appreciate those little things, need not to mention the flowers, the decors, the scrap-card thing, the donuts, the cake –I suddenly feel loved! ♥

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But my happiness that day was a bit fake, I know I’m beginning to feel emotional yet again not because I feel old and pathetic, there’s just things worrying me and keeping me upset. That I couldn’t tell, that I couldn’t recognize, that I couldn’t pinpoint. They say life begins at 40 and I am lucky that at this point of my life I am mated (to a very uncomplaining one), I am healthy (tho I’m easy to catch flu these days), I am employed and I am sleeping through the night. And this is the time to reinvent myself, to what? Seriously I don’t see myself getting a new job at my age, I don’t like a new career if that’s what reinventing supposed to mean. I’ve always wanted to be writer but my grammar sucks. 😦 I’ve always wanted to be a cook but never really gave time. 😦 So, I’m seeing myself stuck at this old job for the next 10 years unless the husband finally pushes that immigration thing.

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#selfie@40

On a more serious note, being 40 doesn’t really need to change a bit of me. It’s just a number, the face in the mirror doesn’t look 40 at all, hahaha. I may have a few regrets but I have my happy years when I was younger and that being good at being young isn’t awful like what some had misconstrued. I don’t need a younger outlook because I need to embrace the middle age and its complications. I’m fortunate to have reached this age. I just need more sunshine to keep me in the go.

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To all who dearly remembered and sent greetings on my birthday my heartfelt thanks to each of you, you made my special day a truly wonderful one. 😛

 

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4 responses to “age is just a number…my 40th

  1. carl January 31, 2014 at 11:08 am

    happy bday po… more birthdays and blessings to come…

  2. Pingback: general’s lechon | The Month of the Heart of Winter

  3. Pingback: 41 and still… | The Second Month of Winter

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