The Month of the Heart of Winter

the new leaf of January is my Month!

guess it was meant but i’m not prepared

I started this entry on eve of November 4 and successful posted before dawn of November 5 hence the time stamp difference versus the use of yesterday, today and tomorrow…


On my third night now at M.V. Santiago Medical Center and Saturday eve remains a shock for me and for my family. Nanay had heart attack. It was very sudden and intense at the same time. It was fatal according to her doctors if we didn’t rush her right away at the hospital. Thank God that my hometown had improved over the years and that an emergency facility is now available.

At the emergency room, I had a vivid recall of what had happen which I will not go into detail anymore. But for a moment I thought I’m losing someone dear in a split second, that fast, that gruesome and I’m beginning to tell my inner self it’s unfair, how come we didn’t have seen the signs, how come we were not warned that it’s going to happen this soon. I baffled. I worried. I felt many things in a row other than I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t weeping, I remained compose while the admitting staff was throwing too many questions including medical history and the recent turnaround of events. I was composed the whole time and keep on checking Nanay while she was given first aid including aspirins, superaspirins, pain relievers, beta blockers, cholesterol-lowering medications and streptokinase (which we had to buy from Mercury at the wee hour to break up and dissolve blood clots which can block the arteries). I remember she had given laxative too because defecating should be effortless, that a sitting toilet can trigger a fatal heart attack because of excessive straining. I took a mental note of everything. I must really take a mental note of every little detail the doctor and nurses had said because I will be her dedicated companion con watcher the entire hospital stay (I was assuming already that time but I’m glad my sister, BIL and Leoncio took turns as well).


*My sleeping double up working area while on my “night shift schedule” at the hospital.

Yester morning she was released from the intensive care unit and was transferred to a private room, far more comfortable from the ICU because we’re now staying in the same room, it’s now easier for me to attend to her whenever she needs aid. It’s easy to move around, it’s easier for us to accept visiting family and friends, everything is a lot easier and available. Now, what’s next for Nanay? for us? Her attending physician, Dra. Tanteco, whom the family knows, earlier told us that she’ll be ready to go home by Wednesday if there would be no more chest pains this day, if there would be no more other suspicious complications. But at the same time we need to prepare for her angiogram and its prerequisite procedure afterwards, the angiogram alone will cost us a leg and an arm, so, we dearly pray for a miracle to happen, that Nanay would totally heal and come back to her usual active life. How it’s possible? Miracles do still happen in this modern age.

At the moment, I watch her sleep and I’m relieve everytime I’ll see her breathe like nothing had happen, I wish this whole thing is just a bad nightmare for all of us and by tomorrow we’ll wake up to a new day –a day full of promise of a new beginning and fresh start full of optimism, hope and joy.


P.S. Together with my family, we thanked everyone who came to visit and to everyone who prayed and continuously praying. We need 100 million more prayers please. 


5 responses to “guess it was meant but i’m not prepared

  1. Lui November 5, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Oh my, Elna!
    I know how it feels so I feel your pain too.
    Hold on and stay strong.
    We will pray for Nanay, you and your family too!

    Love you lots,
    Lui, Sweepy and Babur

    • january November 5, 2013 at 12:13 pm

      lui, thank you for the kind and comforting words. i’m sending you back prayers and big hopes. and big hugs for the senior super dog, and i wish the pup babur get well soon.

  2. Irish Panganiban November 5, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    She will be ok na!!!

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