a golden goodbye
May 25, 2013
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It’s never been easy to write of someone’s saying goodbye much more of someone’s passing away. But I needed to let it out, I need to pour my emotions to let go of all the grief and woes I have now. I have a heavy heart and tears flow freely as I recollect that five wonderful years she’s been with us.
Our dear Shen bid goodbye to everyone at my household at 8:00pm today. It saddened me that I wasn’t there to hug her one last time. I was praying since Wednesday night for Ate Shen after receiving bad news of her failing. She’s old but I didn’t expect she’ll leave us this soon. Tho a lot has been saying that I should be ready for this, it didn’t help because I was caught unprepared of her departure. I was praying that she’ll get by for another week or so, I was wishing to see her and talk to her and say goodbye. But I guess I’m late, by the time I’ll get home next week I won’t be seeing her around. I won’t see her welcoming us despite her difficulty in getting up. I won’t hear her soft whimper that’s like telling me how happy she is seeing me home again.
Ate Shen, I want to say I’m sorry for the times I took you for granted. I’m sorry that my promise of bringing you to the beach never happened. I’m sorry that we have to leave you many times. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to make sure everything is comfortable when it’s time to go. I never love you less despite your old age, despite your blurry sight, despite your frailty. I’ve always love you like the first time we met, the first time you looked at me as if begging me to take you home. Thank you for the wonderful memories, for loving us unconditionally, for being B’s protective big sister and just for being you who never failed to put a smile in our face. I love you Ate Shen, we love you from the deepest of the sea and from the highest of the skies. Love, Momi.
I don’t know when I’ll stop crying, Dadi is mourning too and I feel shaky and powerless. They say it’s normal to grief but if until when I really don’t know. I’ll carry all our happy memories. Run free at Rainbow Bridge and until our joyous reunion, welcome me with happy kisses.
Shen you will never be absent from our heart.
For Shen • 15 March 2003 – 25 May 2013